The Cool Beautiful Girl Sitting Next to Me That Everyone Envies Is Actually Way Too Le*d in Her Head Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Yet Another Pink Fantasy

 

Classes went by quietly.

The math teacher was writing formulas and problems on the blackboard, while the students copied them down into their notebooks. As expected of one of the top schools in the prefecture, the students here were known for their diligence and discipline.

With an atmosphere like this, the teachers could confidently expect this year’s graduating class to break records again. …Or rather, it wasn’t just an expectation—it was practically guaranteed. Still, no matter how it looked on the surface, we were only first-years. Even if our faces looked serious, that didn’t mean our thoughts matched.

『What should I eat for lunch later? Katsu curry? Or soba?』

[TLN: Lines inside 『』 representing people’s thoughts.]

『Ugh, my eraser fell. So far away too… I don’t wanna pick it up.』

『So sleepy. I wanna go home already.』

All sorts of small, trivial thoughts floated in the air. A classroom that should have been filled only with the sound of paper turning and pens scratching across notebooks, sounded to me, like a noisy music festival.

(Haaah… looks like today’s one of my bad days.)

I had a strange ability: I could hear other people’s thoughts.

At first glance, that might sound incredibly useful. But in reality, it wasn’t nearly that simple. This ability, which could be called telepathy, wasn’t something I could control. There was no ON/OFF switch. It just came on whenever it wanted.

I never knew when it would activate either. Sometimes it popped up out of nowhere, sometimes I wouldn’t hear anything all day long.

This morning, things had been fine. But for some reason, my telepathy suddenly switched on now.

Days like this, I called bad days. Because of this troublesome ability, I truly hated it. I often ended up uncovering other people’s secrets by accident, making things awkward, or worse—seeing the darker side of people that made me distrust them.

The only times it ever felt remotely useful were during a game of Old Maid or when fighting over leftover pudding with rock-paper-scissors.

…Even so, after living with it for years, I’d at least learned how to ignore those voices. By consciously tuning them out, I could usually get through my days like normal.

──But, of course, there were some thoughts that were impossible to ignore. And the worst of them all… came from the girl sitting to my left.

『Math is… so erotic, isn’t it…』

(What the hell did she just say…?)

Hearing that, I couldn’t feel anything except pure, one-hundred-percent bewilderment. I cautiously glanced left so she wouldn’t notice. There she was, quietly staring at the blackboard with a calm expression.

…Kagura Rio. Beautiful. Smart. Rumored to be good at sports too.

She didn’t socialize much, rarely showed emotion, and was often nicknamed by our classmates as 'the cool beauty' or 'the flower on the cliff.'

Even I had never seen her hang out with others or show any significant expression. But if someone knew what was in her head, that perfect image would crumble instantly.

『Look at that number 8. Such a slender waist, then that daring curve downward… clearly the figure of a glamorous older sister. And the 1 beside it, so tall and slim, just like a model. The refined vibe is really nice too…』

That was her true self: an 'alien of pink thoughts,' whose mind was filled with dirtier fantasies than any boy at the peak of puberty.

On the outside, she looked like a noh mask—completely expressionless. But on the inside, her thoughts were overflowing with pervy delusions that made my skin crawl just listening.

『Pi (π)… even the name itself sounds kind of… you know.』

I honestly wanted to know what kind of facial muscles she had to stay that stone-faced while thinking this kind of stuff.

At first, I’d even wondered if she had some sort of mental condition. But no—there was no sign of that. Day after day, she just happily fantasized about embarrassing things with endless passion. Apparently, this was just her normal self.

『The curves of sinθ and cosθ look so much like a waistline. Rising and falling periodically… it’s practically like a passionate embrace──』

When I first saw her, I’ll admit I was impressed. But now I know, all I see is 'a pervy girl broadcasting vulgar fantasies live inside her head.'

People often said, Silence is beautiful. But for her, the phrase should be, She’s only beautiful if her mind is empty.

Sure, maybe it was only my problem for being able to hear her thoughts. But still, couldn’t she at least be a little more… decent?

『Ah, but come to think of it, the most amazing formula is substitution. Because putting a number into x is just like inserting──』

Seriously, what the hell has she been thinking this whole time!?

No matter how hard I tried to stay calm and ignore it, her voice slammed into my head mercilessly, like a duck being force-fed in a foie gras factory.

I was starting to feel sick to my stomach. And really—how could anyone possibly find something sexual in math!? Stuff like this might pop into the mind of some mischievous middle schooler, but for her to do it with such a straight face…

(Stay calm, stay calm. I can’t stop hearing it, but if I just ignore it, I’ll get through this…)

I shook my head, trying to psych myself up. I was just an ordinary, healthy student. I had no time to waste on the pink-colored brain of some girl. I needed to keep moving forward, minute by minute, for the sake of exams.

Sure, if I wanted, I could use this telepathy to cheat as much as I wanted… but I’d sworn never to rely on this unfair ability. I wanted to prove I could do things without it.

So I really shouldn’t be distracted by this secret desire broadcast coming from the beautiful, cold girl beside me. I pulled my focus back to the blackboard… but what I saw wasn’t what I expected.

What I saw instead was a man with a mosaic face and a woman with a mosaic face embracing passionately right in front of our bald math teacher.

『Come, put yourself inside me.』

『Of course. Let’s create an answer together with your X and mine.』

…When the intensity of the telepathy was too strong, I could actually see it.

Like a three-dimensional hologram, the image appeared before me, visualizing someone’s imagination.

Of course, that didn’t mean it was actually real. If someone imagined terrorists barging into the class, it didn’t mean bullets or bombs would really appear, and no one else could see it either. It had no effect on reality at all. …Still, it shocked me every time.

“Uwaaah!?”

I shouted reflexively, falling backward. My chair screeched loudly as it slid. Realizing I’d made too much noise, I quickly clamped my mouth shut—but it was too late.

But really, anyone would’ve reacted like that! It was like being forced to watch a bad adult video out of nowhere. A normal person only had two choices: freeze in silence, or freak out. I just happened to be the one who freaked out.

…The problem was, no one else could possibly understand this bizarre situation I was in.

“...What’s wrong, Yonemine? Why the outburst?”

Behind the mosaic couple kissing passionately, I saw the suspicious face of our bald math teacher staring at me.

The image was so overwhelming that it was hard to hear his words properly. But if I didn’t give some excuse, I’d just look like a disruptive idiot who yelled for no reason in the middle of class.

“Eh… uh… a bug flew in front of my face, that’s all.”

I knew it was a terrible excuse. But if I told the truth, I’d be dragged straight to the counselor’s office or the infirmary.

…Unfortunately, my blatant lie only made the teacher frown harder.

“Then, with that nice refreshed head of yours, try solving the problem on the board.”

He tapped the blackboard with his chalk, his tone dripping with sarcasm. Obviously, since I’d been spacing out, there was no way I could answer.

Damn… this teacher was seriously annoying.

“Haa… listen carefully to the next lesson, and sit still. Now, you, Kagura—what’s the answer?”

After scolding my stammering excuse, the teacher turned his gaze to the girl beside me, Kagura. She was the root of all these pink delusions. I thought she’d be flustered since she hadn’t been paying attention either…

“──The answer is this.”

“Correct. As expected, you’re the best in this school.”

Her reply was smooth, without a hint of hesitation.

“Whoa…” gasps of admiration spread through the class.

…Hey, wait. How the hell could she answer after daydreaming about that kind of stuff!? Was she calculating with one half of her brain and fantasizing with the other? That’s some insane multitasking! …Seriously infuriating.

Kagura spent every class indulging in her wild erotic fantasies, yet she always ranked at the top.

Unbelievable. Maybe she worked insanely hard at home, but still—it was frustrating to think I might lose to someone like her.

『Every time I see him, that teacher looks like he’d make a great actor…』

As soon as she finished answering, Kagura instantly returned to her pink delusions without missing a beat. And, as usual, she steered them straight into the worst possible direction.

Please, just stop. Don’t sound like someone who’s already crossed the adult line.

(Damn it! Calm down… I have to calm down!)

I bit down on my lower lip so hard it almost tore, desperately trying to keep a normal face. But of course, in this state, there was no way I could focus on the lesson.…And just like that, another class slipped away along with my grades.

 

＊＊＊

 

Math class came to an end. Which meant the morning lessons were finally over.

The students scattered, busy thinking about how to spend their lunch break. The classroom and hallway were filled with chatter and footsteps. In the middle of all that noise, I was finally freed from that weird fake adult video playing in my head, and I rested my head on the desk, feeling the coolness of the wood.

Ah, that was so long. Seriously, it felt endless. By the end, I was even thinking about the perfect compatibility between a power outlet and an adapter, so for a moment I really thought my life was about to end there. Is her head actually messed up or something?

Yeah, probably messed up. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to figure out how her mind works. Better to just stop thinking about her. Stop wasting energy on useless thoughts. Besides, if I keep thinking about her, my own head will just get filled with pink too.

When I lifted my head and looked around, most of the groups in class seemed to have already decided how they’d spend their lunch break. I should start thinking about where to go join up too. As I was thinking that—

“Hey, Sumito. You know you looked like someone holding in a dump just now!”

A carefree, teasing voice called out to me. A guy with a cheeky grin leaned toward my desk.

“…It wasn’t like that.”

“Come on, don’t be shy. I’m not gonna laugh at you like an elementary school kid!”

The one talking big while saying something childish was Miyaoi Masaki. One of the few friends I have. Because our roll numbers were close, we used to talk a lot before we switched seats. Even after that, maybe because he pitied me for always being alone, or maybe just by coincidence, he still talks to me like this.

I’m not the sociable type. Honestly, I kind of hate it. Can’t blame me, though—thanks to this ability of mine, I often end up seeing people’s real faces behind their masks. But Masaki… if I had to say something good about him, he’s honest and straightforward. If I had to say something bad, he’s an idiot. That’s why talking to him isn’t too much of a burden.

“Man, but seriously, Sumito, that was hilarious. You just suddenly shouted like that!”

…Ah, he must be talking about when I was forced to watch the climax scene inside her head on repeat.

“That couldn’t be helped. It was… an emergency.”

“But because of that, we got yelled at by that Hagesaki! Idiot.”

[TLN: “Hagesaki” (ハゲ先) literally means “Bald Head.” It’s a teasing nickname the students use for their math teacher.]

Well, it wasn’t as bad as getting struck by lightning or anything.

Even so, I still ended up getting the usual public execution punishment from him—his specialty.

…Oh, right. By the way, Hagesaki isn’t some cheap insult about him being bald. It’s just a nickname made by combining his first and last name. So technically, it’s a title, not an insult.

“You’ve been spacing out a lot lately, you know. You should learn from the Masked Queen sitting next to you.”

“…Maybe.”

His comment was way off the mark, so I just replied vaguely.

'Masked Queen' obviously referred to Kagura Rio. Rumor has it that because her expression almost never changes, some people gave her that nickname.

Thinking about it, that nickname does fit. I mean, to be able to stay expressionless while thinking such pervy thoughts—of course it makes sense if you think of it as wearing a mask.

Though honestly, it’s probably just that the muscles in her face have gone numb.

“Ah, whatever. Not like it matters. You’re eating in the cafeteria again, right Masaki? Come on, let’s go.”

“Ow! Fine, fine!”

I smacked his forehead while he was grinning, then stood up from my seat and headed for the classroom door.

Out of the corner of my eye, I glanced at Kagura. As usual, she was the center of attention. Surrounded by the girls, while the guys stared at her with eyes full of desire. Kagura’s expression didn’t change at all. From here, I could see that she barely even opened her mouth.

At most, she just nodded or shook her head, almost never forming a full sentence.

…Beautiful but cold. Is talking to a doll like that really fun? Maybe it is. In the end, it’s all about looks. That’s all it is.

“Heh, what’s with that look? You’re into her too, huh?”

Masaki must’ve noticed where I was looking, because he asked with a teasing grin.

“How did you even reach that conclusion?”

“Because you were staring at her all dazed. I thought even you had fallen for her.”

“Not even close. What I was just doing… was more like behavioral research.”

Yeah. Like studying how some rare animal communicates with humans.

“Eh, but I think you have a shot, you know. Kagura almost never talks to guys, but she still talks to you.”

“When you sit next to someone, of course there’s a bit of small talk. And even then, it’s just one or two words at most.”

"Exactly. There are plenty of guys who’d do anything just to get those one or two words from her.”

Masaki shrugged, motioning for me to look around. And sure enough, several guys in class were staring at Kagura with hungry looks.

Maybe because she has that aura, they’re too scared to approach her. And since Kagura herself never starts a conversation, her position is basically like a flower growing high up on a cliff—only to be admired from afar.

“…I don’t care. And I’m not getting involved. No interest means no shot in the first place.”

“Yeah, right. You’re so obviously into her.”

Masaki kept insisting, ignoring my denial. Honestly, I already consider relationships a hassle, let alone when the other person is that pink-fantasy monster.

But explaining that to him would be pointless. With someone as childish as Masaki, the only way to stop him is to ignore him completely. So that’s what I decided to do—right then and there.

“Excuse me~. Are the class duty students here today?”

A voice with a slightly lazy intonation reached me.

Her voice was so gentle, it felt like even a butterfly could land in between her words. That was my homeroom teacher’s voice.

“Eh, isn’t that Hana-chan Sensei!”

“Don’t tell me Sensei’s gonna have lunch with us~!”

Because she’s so friendly, she’s pretty close with the students. You could also say she’s a bit underestimated because of that. I’m not sure which is better—to be feared, or to be played with.

“Sorry~ Sensei’s in a bit of a rush today!” she said, eyebrows furrowed, replying to the students’ shouts with a wry smile.

“There’s something I need to hand out during homeroom, so can you come to the staff room? If today’s duty students aren’t here, please tell them, okay~!”

After saying that, she quickly left the classroom. In our class, the duty system works with two people sitting next to each other, changing every day. And today, the ones on duty were the two in the back seats near the window.

—In other words, me and Kagura.

I couldn’t help but frown. Seeing my reaction, Masaki grinned mischievously and said, “Good luck, you hate dealing with her the most, right?” …Seriously, this guy.

 

＊＊＊

 

“Here, can you two help pass these out?”

In a corner near the stairs, what was shown to me was a thick stack of booklets. I didn’t know the exact number, but it looked like there was one for every class.

Which meant this was going to be a bit of work. And of course, today just had to be the day there was extra work like this… talk about bad luck.

“…This seems like a pain.”

“Yeah, I’m really sorry…”

“Well, nothing we can do if it has to be done.”

Sensei lowered her brows as if she really felt bad. But even so, that bright smile never left her face. It was a comforting smile, but because it stayed there the whole time, it was hard to read what she was actually feeling. I couldn’t tell what about this situation was making her smile like that.…And just as I was thinking about something that trivial—

『Haaah… this is pointless anyway, no one’s gonna actually read these. Why are we still doing this manually these days… has the department head lost his mind?』

A rough voice echoed clearly in my head. Rough and full of irritation. It felt like I could almost hear the roar of a biker gang’s engine in the background.

『What’s so great about the value of paper media anyway?! Try being the one forced to make these materials, then print them yourself, idiot! Your hair’s barely clinging to your head like tea stalks, and you’re acting all high and mighty—I swear I wanna rip it all out…!!』

Whoa, that was some brutal revenge plotting! She sounded like a total delinquent! …But this is a top-ranked school. There’s no way there are any real thugs here. Sure, people on the outside might call it a fake elite school, but it still has a decent academic reputation. The campus is safe enough. And besides, right now, there are only two people here.

Me—and my homeroom teacher, still smiling brightly. And obviously, I wasn’t the one who said that.…Which meant that voice just now came from the very same teacher smiling at me.

『Haaah, why is it always me who gets stuck with this kind of busywork? What, is it because I’m too nice so I’m easy to take advantage of?!』

So behind that cheerful smile, she was actually seething with rage. I seriously couldn’t imagine how she managed to keep smiling while holding in emotions that fierce. To unravel this mystery, I’d probably have to venture deep into the Amazon.

Oh, and that department head she mentioned is definitely that bald math teacher everyone finds annoying. The students all know he’s a pain, but apparently even the other teachers can’t stand him either.

“Uh… so these need to be passed out to all the students?”

“Oh, no! Just put them on the teachers’ desks, that’s enough.”

Her voice was so soft it felt like it could carry a dandelion seed floating on the wind. It felt like being brushed by a spring breeze. And yet, knowing what she was really thinking inside, the gap between her outer and inner self was so huge it made my head spin.

『Oh, and on top of that, I’m supposed to make materials for the parent-teacher meeting too? Ugh, this is ridiculous! Like I have that kind of free time!』

“Well then, I’ve got something else to do… so I’ll leave the rest to you.”

“…Understood.”

With a heart burning with frustration but a face still smiling, Sensei quickly walked away.

As I recall, a few weeks ago her inner voice was much calmer. Lately, though, I’ve been hearing her emotions boil over more often. By the way, rumor has it there’s a tower made out of empty energy drink cans in the staff room. I guess there really is a heavy workload hidden behind that smile.

Yeah, makes sense. Now that I think about it, maybe that smile is just her way of surviving adult life. That’s what I think, anyway. Not that I really care about adult problems. All I have to do is finish my job.

I do feel a little bad for her, but well, pity only goes so far. I looked down at the stack of booklets in front of me. …But for some reason, half of them were already gone.

“…I’ll carry half.”

Her voice was flat, without any inflection. When I turned around, I saw Kagura holding a bunch of the booklets in her arms.

“Eh, ah, right. Isn’t that heavy?”

Before I could finish speaking, she had already turned away, gave a small barely-visible nod, and started walking back toward the classroom.

…So cold, this girl. Well, she’s always been like that. Even though we’re both on duty today and doing this task together, she hasn’t said a single word until now. In fact, this might be the first time I’ve heard her voice.

She usually only replies with 'mm,' 'hm,' 'yes,' or 'yep~,' so when talking to her, I can never tell what tone she’s using.

Well, if she talked too much I’d probably be the one getting flustered, so I guess this is fine. For now, I picked up the rest of the bundle and followed Kagura out of the staff room.

“…Turns out carrying them like this is actually pretty heavy.”

I muttered, not really saying it to anyone in particular.

Suddenly, Kagura, who was walking beside me, reacted slightly to my idle complaint.

“It is.”

An answer I didn’t expect. So she really can interact with people! It felt like successfully making first contact with outer space. But if I acted weird now, it would only make things awkward, so I just replied normally.

“Right? A full set for every class really adds up.”

“Yeah. The thickness makes it heavier too.”

『They should just make them thinner and lighter. Thin books.』

…Was that just an excuse to say thin books? Normally when people talk about weight, they don’t bring up thickness.

“True. I guess we just got unlucky and had to carry all this today… what even are these documents, anyway?”

“…Maybe about the sports festival?”

“Ah, that makes sense. It’s about that season now. Man, I’m kinda looking forward to it.”

“I’m… not that excited.”

Kagura replied without much hesitation, just to keep the conversation going, I asked,

“Why?”

“I don’t really like being the center of attention.”

Even though she stands out almost every single day. Don’t tell me she doesn’t realize? That’s impossible.

“That’s surprising. You’re always surrounded by people.”

“…Yeah, that’s true.”

Her words trailed off. But her inner voice spoke honestly:

『I’m actually happy when people try to approach me… but it feels like they expect too much from me, and that’s a bit heavy. I also hardly ever get time to be alone and relax.』

…So that’s how it is. Even though everyone praises her as the cool, beautiful girl, there’s a burden hidden behind that image. In class, she’s constantly being approached by both boys and girls. Maybe she really does barely get time to herself.

So even the flower on the cliff has its own hardships.

“Yeah, I guess. If you’re always the center of attention, it must be tiring. Feels like you’re always being chased.”

I tried to comfort her with that. But Kagura only dipped her head slightly, not showing much reaction. I couldn’t help but worry if it was really bothering her. But then, as usual, it was her thoughts that answered.

『…But how do guys actually see me, I wonder? Their gazes feel kind of tingly..., like in manga. Maybe in their heads I’m──』

Oh great, here we go again. And to think I just started feeling sorry for her. What a waste.

…But I guess it’s normal. If she can casually read erotic novels in class, of course her mental fortitude is top-tier. Good to see she’s fine, but please don’t be too fine like this.

Just as I was starting to feel exhausted from all this, we reached the corner. We were supposed to turn here to head toward the stairs up to the second floor where our classroom was. But Kagura didn’t slow down at all.

“Where are you going?”

“……”

She didn’t answer. It seemed like Kagura was still lost in thought. At this rate, she was going to walk straight into the pillar.

“Hey, watch out!”

“!?”

I shifted the bundle to one hand and grabbed her shoulder. Kagura’s shoulder jolted in surprise.

…Eh, was it really that shocking?

“Ah, sorry. You almost walked into that.”

I quickly apologized, not expecting her to react that strongly. Kagura looked at me with her usual blank expression.

After a long silence, she gave a small nod and simply said, “I see.” Then she turned back toward the stairs and started walking.

Anyone else would probably be confused by that reaction. But I knew—her mind right now was noisier than ever.

『Aaahhh I got touched! He just touched me! A boy just grabbed my shoulder!! If he’d kept holding me just now, I wouldn’t have been able to move, and then──』

Inside her head, the fantasy was already running:

『Then our eyes meet quietly, we smile shyly at each other, then… maybe we just happen to go home together…』

All I did was touch her shoulder for a second. How did she jump that far? This isn’t just a daydream anymore—she’s completely out of control.

Before I knew it, my face had twisted in annoyance. I was so busy being irritated that I almost tripped myself.

“…What?”

Kagura’s voice brought me back to reality. Kinda funny that she was the one daydreaming, but I was the one spacing out. Her face was as expressionless as ever, but I could tell her head was full of fantasy again:

『Did he notice…? If so, then I can’t pretend anymore. And since he knows, he waits until we’re alone, grabs both my shoulders, pins me against the wall, and kisses me deeply, our tongues──』

“NOPE!”

I reflexively shouted. This was way beyond too much. More like being harassed by someone’s imagination than just wild fantasies.

Kagura looked a little puzzled, but simply replied, “I see,” and kept walking.

…And that’s why I hate being paired with her. The smallest incident becomes fuel for her fantasies!

With a long sigh, I followed Kagura’s back as she kept walking, mumbling her daydreams under her breath.