[Vol 2] Tsun'na Megami-sama to Darenimoienai Himitsu no Kankei Prologue
Ever since I was little, I was always alone.
I was afraid of adults.
I was afraid of children my age.
I couldn’t even look into the eyes of anyone except my family.
Because I was scared of people, I couldn’t talk to anyone. I was always by myself, playing with my dolls every single day.
That was my everyday life. That was normal for me, and I never felt lonely.
...That’s a lie. Maybe, deep down, I did feel a little lonely.
But I was gloomy, shy, bad at communicating, and chubby... I didn’t have the courage or the resolve to speak to anyone first.
Was I going to stay like this forever?
Would I keep playing alone, never making any friends, and spend my whole life in loneliness?
Even though I thought that way, I still couldn’t move. I didn’t have the courage to change anything.
And so, the days passed by in solitude, without me being able to do anything.
But then, I met him—Hazukichi... Yatsuhashi Hazuki.
“Whatcha doing?”
Maybe he felt sorry for me, always being alone... No, kids our age didn’t even know what pity was.
Maybe he was just curious about me, always by myself, and decided to talk to me.
Unlike me, who was always hesitant, he greeted me with a cheerful smile.
I still remember that day clearly. I was surprised, but more than that, that day became the turning point in my life.
“U-uh... d-doll... p-play...”
Since I had never spoken to anyone, I couldn’t even look into his eyes and only kept my head down.
Without understanding my feelings or my situation at all, Hazukichi leaned closer and stared straight at my face.
His eyes were big, and for a moment, I even thought he was a girl because of how cute his face looked.
While I was still frozen in shock, he continued his question without hesitation.
“Why don’t you play with the others?”
“...Uhm...”
“Why?”
“...Scared...”
“Oh, I see.”
Just like that, Hazukichi walked off somewhere.
Maybe it was just a passing whim. I didn’t know the words to describe it, but that’s how my heart understood it.
I still remember how fast my heart was pounding at that moment.
It wasn’t love. It was just that I had never spoken to anyone before, so it felt strange, like something was swelling up inside me.
But that pounding quickly faded.
I was alone again. That boy probably wouldn’t talk to me ever again.
As I held back my tears and was about to return to my dolls, Hazukichi suddenly appeared again, carrying something.
“Tadaaan! Look, look! This is my doll! A space hero!”
“A... uh...?”
Since I had never been with anyone before, I didn’t understand what he meant right away and just ended up confused.
I still remember that moment even now. Honestly, looking back, I was so bad at communicating that it almost makes me want to laugh.
He sat in front of me with such a warm smile.
Me, who had always been afraid of other children and had never spoken to anyone—somehow, in just an instant, I felt comfortable with him.
Maybe that was his natural gift.
The ability to be liked by others—that’s probably what people would call it. Now I can understand it, and to be honest, I envy him for it.
“I brought a doll too, let’s play together! I’m Yatsuhashi Hazuki!”
“...! Uhm... I-I’m Kurotsuki... Youko.”
But at that time, I didn’t feel envy. I just felt really, really happy.
He was kind to me.
He was the only boy who protected me from the outside world when I was still gloomy and cowardly.
Every day, he played with me.
Every day, he joined me in playing with dolls.
Every day, we chatted cheerfully.
Every day, he was always by my side.
We played in the park, played at home, played with the neighbor’s dog or the stray cats nearby.
With Hazukichi, every day was fun, like a happiness that would never run out.
I thought those days would go on forever.
But of course, the world isn’t that kind.
In third grade, I had to move far away because of my father’s job.
“Hazukichi... I have to move...”
“Eh...!? Yocchan, you’re going far away...?”
When I told him, Hazukichi’s face was filled with sadness.
I couldn’t say anything else, I could only cry.
I still remember how Hazukichi cried too, while trying to comfort me.
“Yocchan, it’s okay. Even if we’re far apart, no matter what happens, we’ll always be friends forever.”
“Hazukichi...”
Parting with him was the most painful thing for me. I cried and cried without end...
After moving away, I became even gloomier than I had been before meeting Hazukichi.
Now I realize, maybe I was too dependent on him.
I wanted to see him again so badly, so much that it hurt.
But I guess the people around me didn’t like that.
At my new place, I started being bullied.
A new kid who didn’t try to make friends with anyone, and on top of that, I was the fattest in the class.
Maybe it was only natural that they saw me as an outsider who didn’t belong there.
Every day felt like hell.
I hated it, hated it, hated it.
Inside, I was always begging for help.
Even after entering middle school, nothing changed.
Of course, no one ever came to help me.
Hazukichi was no longer by my side.
I didn’t have any friends.
The only ones who protected me were my family.
Was there any meaning in a life this miserable...?
Someone... please...
Please, save me—
◆◆◆
“—!”
With a jolt, I shot up from my bed.
Sweat trickled down my forehead, making my bangs stick to my skin. I glanced around the room.
A princess-sized bed.
Shelves crammed full of cute things, leaving almost no empty space.
A study desk piled with clothes I had tossed there carelessly.
Rows of reference books my parents bought, always nagging me to study.
A dresser with makeup tools, and a big mirror to check my appearance.
Beside my pillow, my favorite plushies were neatly lined up, as if they were gently watching over me.
With my mind still hazy, I held my head.
Not good. I couldn’t think straight yet. My head was throbbing.
As I drowsily looked around... finally, my awareness began to catch up with reality.
This... is my room?
Then, what I saw just now was...
“A dream...? ...Ahh~”
Thank goodness... it was only a dream.
I thought for sure I had already forgotten all about that... so why did I suddenly dream about it again?
Since morning, my body already felt weighed down with fatigue.
Ahh, I don’t want to go to school today...
I had never woken up feeling this exhausted before.
Truly the worst of the worst.
Still lying down, I reached for my phone and checked the time.
It was only five in the morning.
There was still more than an hour before I usually got up.
...Should I go back to sleep?
I relaxed my body and emptied my thoughts.
And then... strangely enough, drowsiness immediately washed over me.
.........Mmm... hmmm...
“Ugaaah!”
No good. I won’t be able to sleep again today.
Even though I was still sleepy and my mind wasn’t completely clear...
Just the thought of possibly seeing the rest of that dream made me not want to fall asleep again.
“...Well, whatever. I’ll just get up.”
If it’s come to this, I might as well wake up for real. I need to reset my mood!
I leapt out of bed and stood in front of the big mirror, checking my body.
The bright blonde hair I liked swayed gently.
Ah, but the roots near my scalp were starting to turn dark again.
I’d have to go to the salon soon.
I stood before the mirror and gave a little spin.
The clothes I had on were just a camisole that showed off my body’s curves...
The body wrapped in shorts above my knees was no longer the chubby figure I once had.
The face brimming with confidence wasn’t the gloomy face of a shy introvert who always hid behind someone’s back.
Anyone, from any angle, would definitely see me as a truly cute girl.
Because I had dreamed of the past just now, I felt a little uneasy... but thank goodness. I was still the usual me.
Letting out a sigh of relief, I once again looked closely at my reflection.
“...Hmm. A little puffy...?”
Maybe from lack of sleep. My cheeks felt heavier than usual. And I think there were dark circles under my eyes too.
Damn it. I had already managed to forget about it, but that dream just had to drag it all back... seriously annoying.
I don’t take care of my looks because I want someone to notice me, or because I want others to think I’m cute.
I want to be pretty for myself, so that I can see myself as the cutest. That’s why I care so much about my appearance.
And there’s one more reason. No—two reasons.
I never want to feel that hell again.
I don’t ever want to be bullied by anyone again.
Beauty and cuteness are the shield for my fragile heart.
Being a gyaru is the fortress that hides the insecure me.
That’s why I have to take care of my heart and body properly every day. There’s no room for negligence or carelessness, not even for a moment.
Besides, lately I’ve reunited with someone who wants to see me looking cute... right?
On the photo frame on top of my desk was a picture of my childhood self. In it, I was with a boy who smiled brightly, and before I knew it, the corners of my lips lifted.
“Hazukichi... hehe. I never imagined we’d meet again in high school.”
When I moved on to an all-girls’ school, I had already given up, but somehow, we ended up meeting again in such an unexpected way.
Thinking of him, the one and only friend I had all my life, I couldn’t stop smiling.
Now I had Hyouka-chan and a few other friends, but Hazukichi was different. He was more than just a special friend.
I didn’t know what I should call this warm feeling. With the shallow life experience I had, it felt too light to put it into words.
But... I still wanted Hazukichi to see the cute me.
That much was certain.
“Yosh! Today, I’ll make my cute self even cuter!”
...But before that, I’ll take a shower to wake myself up.
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